How I Want To Raise My Daughter

Raising and Restoring Feminine Beauty in an Age of Feminist Distortion

Against the Tide of Feminism

The modern world despises genuine femininity. Since the mid-nineteenth century, feminism has been an unyielding force, aggressively distorting perceptions of womanhood. In today’s society, raising daughters to fear the Lord is akin to navigating against prevailing cultural currents. This path, though challenging, promises glorious outcomes. Fathers must shield their daughters from the poisoned well offered by the world and instead dig wells overflowing with truth, beauty, and goodness. By God’s grace, we have access to wells that provide virtuous waters—sweet and inexhaustible.

Daughters of Middle-Earth

In the battle against the forces of Mordor, the free people of Middle-earth relied on masculine virtues. Yet, these virtues were complemented by the profound feminine grace of characters like Galadriel, Goldberry, and Arwen, who brought beauty, life, light, and hope to a dark world. These characters embodied a femininity that provided warmth and inspiration amidst the malevolent shadows.

Anticipating the birth of my daughter, I cherished the opportunity to raise a girl embodying virtuous femininity. Naming her Arwen serves as a reminder of my mission to raise her as a glorious crown, wielding wisdom and beauty to honor the King of kings. From her birth, I prayed for her:

“I pray that our lovely Evenstar would grow to be a light whose warmth and glow extend over many generations. I pray that she would fear the Lord alone and embrace the feminine virtues of gentleness and grace as she nurtures and beautifies everything and everyone around her. May strength, dignity, and wisdom clothe her all the days of her life.”

With this vision, the daily pursuit of raising her becomes a deliberate and active task. The outcomes I desire for her are my responsibility. Here, I share a six-fold strategy to raise daughters in the fear of the Lord.

A Six-fold Strategy for Raising Godly Daughters

1. To fear God alone

My daughter must understand that she was created to glorify God and find everlasting joy in Him. The fear of God gives her true purpose and meaning, recognizing Him as the ultimate authority in her life amidst the noise of modernity and secularism.

I strive to teach her this by emphasizing Christ’s redemptive work, nurturing a love for God’s Word, catechizing her, imparting sound theology, providing a robust Christian education, and actively involving her in the fellowship of the church.

2. To be gentle and quiet in spirit

A father cultivates a gentle and quiet spirit in his daughter by enveloping her with masculine strength that allows her to embrace authentic femininity. He demonstrates gentlemanly conduct towards his wife and daughter, treating them with a tender touch that affirms their graceful and quiet elegance. He introduces his daughter to exemplary feminine figures in literature and real life. He values and encourages feminine virtues, rejecting the normalization of 'tom-boyish' behavior. He educates her about femininity through God’s Word and establishes clear expectations of what it means to embody feminine qualities.

3. To be a nurturer and beautifier

God uniquely designed and called women to nurture and beautify everything and everyone around them. A father can cultivate these qualities in his daughter by assigning tasks that require nurturing and beautifying, such as decorating, caring for babies, practicing hospitality, cooking, and managing household affairs. Children naturally desire to please their parents, so fathers expressing genuine delight in these tasks of nurture and beauty is crucial in teaching their daughters to embrace and cherish feminine responsibilities.

4. To value being a wife and mother

Many young women today are conditioned to approach marriage with caution, often delaying it indefinitely. I want my daughter to embrace and cherish the truth that a woman's first calling, assigned by God, is to be a helper to her husband. Marriage is crucial for fulfilling both the cultural mandate and the Great Commission. I want her to view being a wife as a noble calling and a significant vocation worth pursuing and expecting. She should see godly male headship as part of God’s glorious design, worthy of her submission. My hope is that my daughter matures holistically so that she is prepared to marry at a young age. I do not want her to prioritize higher education and career over her calling to be a wife and mother.

As her father, I aim to prepare my daughter for her future role as a wife. I will frequently commend the virtues of my wife to her, highlighting the many ways she enriches my life. I will seize everyday moments to impart lessons that she can apply in marriage, saying things like, "One day when you are married, you will have the opportunity to..." I will discuss with her the qualities she should seek in a husband and those she should avoid. By loving her mother deeply and faithfully, I hope to set a standard of love that she will seek in her own marriage.

I want my daughter to understand that motherhood is the most influential role a woman can play in establishing a multi-generational legacy of faithful and fruitful posterity. I want her to embrace the joy of having children, to welcome as many as God blesses her with, and to treasure the opportunity to raise them in the fear of the Lord.

By consistently expressing the joy of parenthood and the privilege of nurturing children, I aim to cultivate in her a desire and aspiration for motherhood. I refrain from complaining to her, even in jest, about the challenges of parenting. Furthermore, by encouraging my daughter to emulate her mother, I am fostering a deep respect and admiration for her. The influence of my wife on our daughter is a priceless gift that will nurture and prepare her to be a faithful mother in the future.

5. To delight in productive homemaking

In Titus 2, Paul instructs Titus to ensure that young women are taught to be diligent workers at home. As a father, I am both mandated and privileged to instill in my daughter the value of a productive household. I want my daughter to grasp that the household, as designed by God, bears responsibility for education, healthcare, and welfare. I will teach her that true wealth is created at home, not in the workplace, and that the household serves as a center of economic productivity. Understanding this will equip her to fulfill her responsibilities within our home.

Homemaking is far from mere idleness; it involves managing the economic affairs of the household. It requires enterprise, innovation, skill, planning, organization, knowledge, wisdom, and diligence. This role demands a diverse skill set, with a primary focus on nurturing relationships and embodying hospitality in every aspect.

As her father, I intend to expose her to a household ethos that generates more than it consumes. I will involve her in our daily activities and actively support her mother in her duties and endeavors, thereby illustrating the profound and productive essence of homemaking.

"The Homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only and that is to support the ultimate career.- C.S. Lewis

6. To be wise and discerning

I want my daughters to apply an accurate knowledge of God and His creation in all they do. This necessitates an education steeped in truth, beauty, and goodness. They must be well-versed in feminine virtue, think critically, be well-read, eloquent, and intellectually formidable. I desire them to be anchored in a wisdom that shields them from the allure of false ideas and narratives—from the insidious whispers of serpents. They should possess a wisdom that liberates them from the impulse to conform and submit to the status quo, enabling holistic fruitfulness that brings forth abundance, life, and joy. I want my daughters to possess a wisdom that liberates them from fear and the temptation to play it safe, enabling them to pursue and uphold what is true, even at great cost. I want them to possess a wisdom worthy of passing on to future generations—one that instructs and nurtures virtuous kings (Proverbs 31:1-10) and elegantly models feminine virtue to maidens (Titus 2:3-5).

A Fatherly Call to Raise and Preserve Beauty

My daughter needs a father. She requires the presence of strong, virtuous, and godly masculinity to understand, cherish, and embody the virtues of femininity. She needs a father who loves and delights in her, teaching her discipline, submission, and self-control. She needs a father who protects her from all forms of evil and faithfully provides for her needs. She needs a father who exemplifies the type of godly man she should consider marrying, and who loves her mother with steadfast faithfulness. She needs a father whose life reflects the character of God the Father.

In a world intent on stripping femininity of its beauty, fathers cannot afford to passively stand by and allow cultural currents to shape their daughters. Fathers must actively embrace their responsibility to raise daughters who are godly, beautiful, modest, submissive, intelligent, and fruitful.

I pray that my daughters will possess a beauty that dispels darkness and illuminates a path of righteousness for generations to come.