How I Want To Raise My Sons

Unleashing Sons of Strength, Courage, and Conviction Against the Tide of Cultural Emasculation

Paving the Path Ahead: The Role of Fathers

In an era where masculinity faces ridicule and rejection, the task of nurturing virtuous sons is far from trivial. In a world determined to emasculate boys, fathers cannot afford to allow the modern currents of culture to determine the path their sons must tread. The footprints that fathers must impress for their sons to follow should not be ambiguous, shallow, nor misleading. They must be precise and purposeful, providing depth and direction, illuminating a path unspoiled by darkness.

Fathers are presented with a pivotal choice amidst societal upheaval. They can either succumb to the chaos, opting for compliance, safety, and survival at the expense of their convictions, allowing fear to dictate their actions. Alternatively, they can seize this God-given responsibility as an opportunity to combat the darkness by raising formidable arrows that will be a righteous nuisance to a world hostile to truth, beauty, and morality. This is not a time for retreat but for triumph. Fathers and sons can emerge victorious, not merely surviving but thriving amidst the chaos.

I desire for my sons to emerge as godly culture builders, exercising dominion over the earth, and experiencing a comprehensive freedom that enables them to flourish in all areas of life. They should embody virtues of strength, wisdom, and responsibility, equipping them to protect, provide, and lead their households, churches, and public spheres.

The development of my sons into godly men rests squarely on my shoulders as their father. It is through my faithful patriarchal leadership that this vision will be realized. Great men are not molded from the shards of a compromised patriarchy.

From Boys to Men: A Nine-fold Strategy

While my sons are still young, it's imperative to chart a definitive course for them—a path that I must personally shepherd them along. The voyage toward manhood commences from the moment of their birth, with the process of shaping and molding beginning even in their infancy. With this awareness, I aim to elucidate nine virtues that I intend to instill in my sons, steering them towards an exemplary embodiment of masculinity.

1. To Fear God Alone

The book of Proverbs offers a father’s wisdom to his son, underscoring the importance of fearing God in all things. The fear of God is the beginning of knowledge. To fear God means knowing Him rightly and submitting to His sovereignty. It entails living with humility and recognizing man's place before the eternal throne, as well as knowing, loving, and adhering to His law. This fear instills purpose, conviction, and courage in establishing truth, beauty, and goodness on earth as it is in heaven. It involves leveraging God-given gifts and opportunities to fulfill the mandate to exercise dominion over the earth, being fruitful and multiplying in all things. The fear of God drives man's highest and noblest thoughts, affections, and actions. It is the whole duty of man to fear God and keep His commandments. Without God at the center, sons lack a compass to guide their lives and purpose. I want my sons to understand that they and everything they have been given belong to God.

Men often face the temptation to appease other men rather than please God, fearing human judgment above divine sovereignty. Idolatry, therefore, poses the greatest threat to our sons' calling and potential as godly culture builders. The fear of God is the most effective defense against idolatry. Fathers are uniquely positioned to guide their sons toward a deep and resilient faith and commitment to Christ.

By teaching my sons to know and memorize God’s Word, catechizing them, sharing great stories, discipling them through robust Christian education, engaging with a local church community, working alongside them vocationally, and cultivating a vibrant, godly home culture where they can see, hear, smell, and taste what it means to submit to Christ in all things, I am instilling in them the fear of God alone.

2. To Be Free

Christ places a profound value on freedom. By instructing Adam not to eat of the forbidden fruit, He was safeguarding man’s freedom. Through His incarnation, sinless life, sacrificial death, resurrection, ascension, and enthronement, Christ liberated us from bondage and secured our eternal freedom.

True freedom is not merely the ability to indulge in our desires, but the capacity to fulfill our created purpose.

I aspire to raise sons who embody this freedom—individuals capable of building, creating, providing, protecting, and leading without being hindered by sin, fear, despondency, or ignorance. They must recognize that their liberty is a gift from God, not a permission from the state. I desire for them to think and act in alignment with truth, resisting the pressures of contemporary trends and ideologies. My sons should fearlessly advocate for what is right, producing abundance rather than merely consuming. I aim to nurture sons unafraid of discomfort, suffering, or death, as they walk faithfully in their purpose. Ultimately, I envision sons who bear fruit in all aspects of their lives.

This essentially involves minimizing the number of rules imposed. Embracing fewer rules and regulations reflects a godly attribute that more parents should embody. With fewer rules, they become easier to remember, fostering an environment where wisdom and critical thinking are encouraged in their application. The rules that are imposed, ought to be comprehensive but not stifling.

It also entails refraining from using fearful and deceptive rhetoric to manipulate them into obedience. Lies and fear can never cultivate true freedom.

Moreover, it involves encouraging them to engage in activities with an element of risk, such as climbing trees, while resisting the inclination to constantly prioritize safety. It's important to teach them to be mindful of their actions, but we shouldn't stifle their natural inclination to attempt daring feats.

3. To Be Strong

Men are meant to be strong. They are designed to be protectors, providers, builders, and leaders. Diligent labor requires strength of body, mind, and will. Discernment demands strength of conviction to distinguish good from evil and to make decisions that honor God. I want my sons to delight in strength, pursue it, and preserve it to the best of their ability. They should understand that their strength is a virtue to be harnessed for freedom and fruitfulness in all their endeavors. I must also warn them not to squander their strength on vice, addictions, or tyranny. Their strength is precious, which is why adversaries relentlessly attack masculine strength.

I aim to teach my sons the value of strength by encouraging them to confront danger rather than flee from it, to protect those in their care, and to wield virtuous physical aggression. They should love hard work, pursue fitness and health, think critically and truthfully, and value the acquisition of knowledge. I want them to be decisive, to reject evil, and to practice self-restraint and control

4. To Embrace the Responsibility of Being Husbands and Fathers

Modern men are marrying later in life compared to generations before them. Consequently, many delay fatherhood or avoid it altogether.

Many men have been sold the unfortunate lie that marriage is something to pursue only after having spent the best years of their lives. Marriage is cast in a negative light, often portrayed as a necessary evil devoid of purpose and joy.

Delays in marriage are often a consequence of rampant sexual licentiousness, fornication, pornography, fear of inconvenience and responsibility, fear of disappointment and divorce, a fear of missing out on worldly pleasures, and a normalized childishness.

I want much more for my sons. I want them to anticipate being husbands and to pursue marriage while they are still young. I want them to recognize the opportunity they have to illustrate the love of Christ in the way they love their wives. I want them to think of marriage the way God does: as a relational means of pleasure, sanctification, and procreation.

I want them to view fatherhood as a blessing and an opportunity to multiply God’s image on earth and as an effective means of building Christ’s kingdom. I want to them to desire children, and pursue having as many of them as God will permit. I want them to delight in the privilege of raising children to fear God in all things.

I want them to establish productive households vibrant with hospitality, enterprise, education, and general fruitfulness. I want them to lead their homes with strength, wisdom, conviction, and joy.

Responsible family men possess a gravitas that unmarried men generally do not. I want my sons to embrace the responsibility of pursuing and nurturing the most important relationships given to us by God.

5. To Think Long-Term and Multi-Generationally

God desires fathers to think multi-generationally (Psalm 78:5-6). Fathers ought not be shortsighted in their pursuits and decisions. They should seek to influence multiple generations of their posterity. A long-term vision of what Christ is unfolding in the story of the world certainly aids this way of thinking and living.

Even in their infancy, I want my sons to resist the lure of immediate gratification and to delight in the long processes that yield fruitfulness. I want my sons to be faithful in the present while building toward the future. They should understand both long-term blessings and consequences, recognizing their place in history and the tasks God has for them. I want them to think about their own children and grandchildren as they come of age, fostering a mindset that looks beyond the present to the legacy they will leave.

6. To Delight in Assuming Responsibility

Many men have never learned the value and importance of responsibility—the faithful stewardship of the opportunities, resources, and relationships God has gifted humanity. Responsibility is fundamentally anchored in a sense of ownership, which propels a man to build, improve, and multiply what he has been given.

Responsible men develop everything and everyone in their care. Irresponsible men are negligent, indecisive, and destructive.

I want my sons to assume ownership of their property, relationships, vocation, mistakes, and everything else God has given them. They should delight in taking responsibility, recognizing it as an avenue to personal growth and the wellbeing of all around them. This sense of ownership should inspire them to cultivate and nurture their talents, relationships, and resources, ensuring that they leave everything in their care better than they found it.

7. To Be Fruitful Builders and Leaders

I want my sons to construct both literal and metaphorical cathedrals—glorious feats that stand the test of time, inspire awe, and glorify the Lord. This will require them to stand firm even when alone, to persist without seeking external validation, and to inspire others to join their cause. They must recognize that the truth they know and the freedom they have been granted are intended to facilitate fruitfulness and dominion. This will demand that they are firmly rooted in their identity as God’s creation, living with a faith and hope that cannot be extinguished by darkness.

8. To Be Disciplined

Discipline involves doing what is right, best, and excellent even when it is unpopular, uncomfortable, or costly. It requires self-control and a higher purpose that transcends our often fickle passions. It is incumbent upon men to be disciplined, living by what is right while denying their base desires.

I want my sons to master themselves by pursuing righteousness over gratifying their impulses. They should remain unmoved by that which does not please the Lord, instead seeking true joy, freedom, and pleasure. Discipline is key to this pursuit, guiding them to prioritize long-term virtue over short-term gratification.

While they are still young, this entails instructing them to obey my commands joyfully—without excuses or complaints, to act immediately without delay, and to complete tasks thoroughly. It involves addressing any moral lapses as they occur, and teaching them to remain focused at the dinner table and in church. Additionally, it involves aiding them in forming beneficial habits they will carry into adulthood, such as making their beds, being in consistent fellowship with others, brushing their teeth diligently, embracing a strong work ethic, engaging in hands-on activities, and fostering a love for reading and learning.

The aim is to instill a sense of joy in their discipline, appealing not only to their habits but also to their affections as they embrace lives of self-discipline.

9. To Be Warriors

In this modern age, men unwilling or incompetent to fight risk being swept away in the currents of emasculation and degeneracy.

I am raising my sons to confront various adversaries—be they dragons, trolls, orcs, or giants—with wisdom, strength, courage, and joy. They are being prepared to wield swords and courageously lead the charge in tumultuous battles. They are being taught to champion Truth against falsehoods, to repel ugliness by fostering and safeguarding beauty, and to combat evil by establishing goodness and virtue wherever they tread. This begins with instilling in them a commitment to fight sin within their own lives before engaging in the broader cultural conflicts. It begins with cultivating virtues, integrity, and courage in their character, and shaping their affections towards what is noble and excellent (Philippians 4:8-9). It starts with equipping them to become formidable warriors, tearing down idols and fostering godly cultures.

I do not want my sons to be intimidated or despondent by the actions of God's adversaries in a chaotic culture. Instead, I want them to live with hope and conviction, understanding that they were made for such a time as this—not merely to survive, but to emerge victorious.

A Fatherly Hope: Grace for the Task

The task before us is immense and cannot be accomplished without the grace of God. As a father, I take God's word seriously, endeavoring to train my sons in the path they should walk, and anticipating the blessings of fruitfulness. More than mere verbal instruction, I must lead by example and invite them to follow in my footsteps. So help me God!